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A Message To All The Young Men Out There

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How you see yourself
How the rest of us see you

OK, I may be getting myself in trouble, but I've seen too many young men make a mess of themselves, and I can't let it go unsaid any longer.

Here it is, guys: just because you're old enough now that you can grow facial hair, doesn't mean you should.

Not You

You


Those hair follicles will be in your face for the rest of your life (unlike the ones on your head). You can grow a beard any time you like. Why be in a hurry? You're already a perfect specimen of masuline beauty as you are. That "distinguished air" can wait. I am here to show you a better way.

"But Toby!" you say. "Razors cost money!" Well, with the money you're saving up for your next mediocre tattoo (see what I'm doing there?), you can buy a top-of-the-line electric shaver that'll keep your face smooth as a baby's ass for years to come. You might even have enough left over to buy yourself two mirrors and a set of clippers.

And I didn't want to bring this up, but: think about the job market. It's BAD, and it's not going to get better in time for anyone now living to care. Don't you think you owe yourself any advantage you can get when you're looking for that next job? Sorry, but appearances do matter. We can't help genetics, but we can keep ourselves clean-cut and professional.

Be young. Be beautiful. Be clean. I dare you.

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